Hurt So Bad

I'm on my 14th day of medical leave and my ass is still hurting!! Yeah I've gone for haemorrhoidectomy...whew! what a long word for a procedure that took only roughly an hour but weeks to heal.
On the scheduled day, Friday 22 July 205, at 8.30am, I walked into Alexandra Hospital with my hubby Alan into Ward 1. It's quite a distance from the main entrance but I was feeling cool. Regstration done and I was given a kimono -like piece of cloth to wear.
Blood pressure - done.
Temperature - done.
And the wait begins.........
Scheduled time for surgery was 10.30am but 11.30am came and we're still waiting.........
Finally at 12noon, just as Alan and I were nodding off, a nurse suddenly appeared by our sides and announced that it's time to go! Aarghh!! FINALLY!!!
Heart beating fast as I can imagine there'll be like a thousand and one people inside the operating theatre and my big, fat ass will be displayed openly just like the slaughtered pigs in the market stalls. And all of them will be going hmm, it's definitely piles ( slang for haemorrhoids).
Along comes the anaesthetician and he ask me what type of anaesthetic I would like. General will put me out like a light and local will render me conscious but numb from waist down.
Well I definitely do not want to be aware of what they are doing down there and not feel anything so I chose general. With a snap of the fingers I was out! The wonders of science.
When I came to, I was in Ward 10, Bed 30, and feel like I'm floating. My body feels all light and loose but wait, there's something sticking in my butt!
It was a piece of gauze used to prevent the blood and shit from exiting from my anus. By 6pm, pain was starting to rear it's ugly head. I was given painkillers and the pain was blunted.
The next morning, I was told by the nurse that I'll be given a pan, salt and warm water to soak my ass. The first time I heard that, I was greatly amused. I was told to soak for 20 to 30 minutes and then try to take the gauze out. Well I tried and luckily it was soaked sufficiently long that it has softened and quite easy to pull out.
At least the foreign matter is out and I tried to pass motion but nothing happen.
When the nurse came along and asked if I'd pass motion, I told a lie and said yes, just a bit. The lie was necessary so that I can be discharged instead of staying another day..... GET ME OUT OF HERE!!....
And so begins my long road to recovery.